Tweet day

haven been updating my blog for a long time.. an avid reader of my blog would know that my topics all have a sad touch to it.. somehow remote, somehow lonely. i write mostly when i’m sad or frustrated. but todae it’s different. i blog coz i’m bored….

National Day, no one date mi so i m vegging out at home… BORING… lol..

u r gg NDP todae, 2yrs ago, we went tog… time passes so fast. omg. sometimes i look at the rel we had, can i say that we hav braved through a lot?? not everyone can set sail tog happily, experience a storm, hav a ship wreck and yet rebuild the ship again. jus hope that there wont b a day where we have to put a full stop to it all. everyday i count my blessings. tots are sensed not spoken.. sometimes words mean the opposite when said. don u agree?

but then again, not everytime will gut feeling led u somewhere good. hee, did a silly thing todae. lol.. hope i din scare the person away. haiz, its so me. before i do something, i eagerly wan to noe the outcome though i guessed it almost, then after i do it, i wish i didnt. when there’s a reply, i worry bout the aftermath of my silly doings. actually i’ve predicted all these tot processes before i even do anything… but me being me, i still go ahead with it despite all. lol, really, ppl who don noe mi well, may not b able to stomach all my nonsense…

To this person, i apologise for any inconveniece caused.. will it affect my professional image?? aiyo, so worrying… lol.   

我睁开眼睛 却感觉不到天亮
东西吃一半 莫名其妙哭一场

我忍住不想 时间变得更漫长
也与你有关 否则又开始胡思乱想
我日月无光 忙得不知所以然
找朋友交谈 其实全帮不上忙
以为会习惯 有你在才是习惯
你曾住在我心上
现在空了一个地方
原来爱情这么伤
比想像中还难
泪水总是不听话
幸福躲起来不声不响
太多道理太牵强
道理全是一样
说的时候很简单
爱上后却阵脚大乱

只想变得坚强
强到能够去忘
无所谓悲伤
只要学会抵抗
原来爱情这么伤

原来爱情是这样
这样峰回路转

泪水明明流不干
瞎了眼还要再爱一趟
有一天终于打完
思念的一场战

回过头再看一看
原来爱情那么伤

actually i think all this while, i’ve been slowly recovering.. but mayb not as fast as how people around me is progressing on with their lifes. thats y compared to them, i m unable to keep up.. so any efforts made is cancelled off. i want to go on the way now, yet i dunno if environment allows me to.

Tweet Head

sometimes i realli dunno why i should bother… why should i bother to bother??? to the other party the whole thing is just a harmless joke yet to me, it hits me. yes true, it’s nothing. yet, the person should know best how it feels. yet all of us like to act blur in front of others. i guess no one really treats others with 100% transparency. but it seems as though i like to expose myself raw and bare(figuratively) only to be squash and trampled on. no one enjoys it. frankly speaking, i don enjoy the process too. yet, i keep pushing myself to that cliff where all the other party need to do is to give me a light shove. i want to think myself as a wild flower, no matter how strong the wind, i’ll survive. i try to, no matter how strong the wind is, i always managed to straight up tall again… sometimes the way i force myself to recover stump myself even. but each time, i lose some confidence in how well i will be able to stand up again the next time… it’s eating into me. i’m perfectly fine without triggers. i know i shld stay away from triggers then but ….. that’s why i think i m stupid. loitering around like a fly, not leaving when i m not appreciated. most people would have look for greener pastures rather than staying in a place where they are not wanted or even noticed. yet i stupidly stayed on, feeling its all my fault.

words are a powerful tool. words can rise or kill someone. i learnt the power of words since school days where my use of vocab make or break my essays. yet, as i grow older, i realised not everyone may understand that. or if people do understand, yet they are not doing it, it is on purpose and their intentions, i gather is not of good cause. so with such people around, there will always be another group of people who will b so ever willing to be the victims…..

i tot i hav gradually walked away..

i tot i m healing..

i tot i m succeeding..

i tot i can.

i tot i hav, not completely but with small steps…

i tot certainly…

i tot i tot i tot…

too many tots in my little brain.

i cant.

from a whirlpool, u need to break away from the suction, trudge with heavy n small steps away from it.. overcome the resistance with clenched teeth with delibrate effort.. its tough. too confident in myself.. i guess. jus when i tot i can i cant.

another tot. its difficult to maintain a relationship. any kind. it always takes 2 hands to clap. lethargic. unless i know we both share e same tots.   

could hav been celebrating a two todae. things change, ppl change. hope we change for the better. i cant forsee, i can onli hope it’ll be tt way for all of us.

many things to say. but u alreadi noe

only hope u hear n understood mi correctly.   

hey bird bird, don meant to copy but hav been wanting to put the same song up then i come online n u r a step faster… mi like the song veri much-y too!! so hav to share with all my friends…

开车 - 阿桑

上
上一次的快乐是多久了
你
你走了我的计算变差了
微笑在我脸上
又被僵住了
那是第几次又说起你了

开
一个人开车是最寂寞的
但是别
别扭开收音机来听听歌
因为有些歌曲是很伤人的
太容易就会
想起你了

如果那天病了
约会换了
我们就不遇上了
或许就能够微笑幸福靠着
比你更好的另一个
有时爱像开车危险又快乐
遇上红灯就停了
勉强是不对的我们都知道的
差别的是
谁会先下车

伤
再伤的伤口都会痊愈的
难
再难的难过也能走过的
一个人的下午
也是美好的
只是聊天的人又少了一个

other than mi having no car, i agree with every line.. esp…

thanks for e person who sent mi e song.

wei she me cong shi mian dui ni

wo you xie mu na

you xie yu chun

you xie sha.

wei she me cong shi mei you ni

wo you xiang nian

you xie xie shang gan

you xie wai nian.

wei she me cong shi xiang nian ni

wo you xie ke wang

you xie yu chun

you xie bu she

wei she me cong shi you xiang he ni yi shen yi shi de nian tou

ni cong shi siao zhe dui wo suo wang le ta ba

sometimes we wonder, wats that sweet n bothersome thing actually all bout?? when we hav it, it makes us sweet n fuzzy, having the power to overcome everything. when we lose it, part of us goes away with it…

it had been a tough weekend. on friday, as weekend creeped in, the problem arised n came to my knowledge as well.. complicated issue but again it revolves around that ‘thing’. it does not concern mi at all, but i got dragged in anyway. for a friend once that really so close, i had to care. we panicked, we flustered. we worried. i was heartbroken that i couldnt even bear to hear her voice. its so not right when u noe someone’s not good n they inisist they r.. over the weekend, biazzare things happened. on sat, things got worse, everything was spun out of our control… i was so helpless n afraid. i stayed up till later with a few friends, weighing possibilities of things that could really arise.. scary wat things ppl  can do when they r out of reach of it… do love realli hav to be so tiring?? i really cannot understand… mayb i m not experience enough to understand..  ai dao zhe me lei, wei he hai yao ai? dao di shi wei le she me ji qu ai? i wanted to ask.. i guess there may be no answer as well.. if not, that would not explain the actions..

for a long time, i hav withdrawn myself. its not good. u n i noe it. but we continue doing it.. for the same reason for different ppl. there is no why to it.. we just cant let it go. it hurts seeing a friend being so hurt by it, yet no matter wat we say or do, we cant help it.. i understand all things u say, i use my knowledge gained from u to use it on others.. but as ppl accept it, they may again not practise it.

e longer u r tied up to it n cant let go, e more u tink u cant.. that is e thing with u. u noe it perfectly well (in theory) but being beings with emotions, there r times we jus cant practise wat we preach. e very best we can say to convince others n ourselves is, ‘i’ve tried and i’m still trying.’ i read ur emotional struggle. weird since u r not a gemini.. shldnt have split personality but anyway, its something bout the mind n heart.. ppl noe exactly well wat things they shld do n wat do avoid, yet we like to live dangerously by the border n succumb to our weaknesses… jiayou.. urs is a chronic illness. mayb there’s no cure for it. but control it well.. don let the demon out..

a friend jus commented on his blog that his friends r like tides. they don stay around long for each other, but when they come, they leave impressions… i disagree that friends shld be like tat.

to mi, ideal friends shld update regularly on each other’s life.. always be there for them n be sensitive enough to let them reveal their problems to u, not wait for troubled friends to approach u for help.. i noe everyone hav their own lifes to lead n such friends r hard to come by.. i noe i over-idealise my criteria of friends.. going by this strict rule, i noe many ppl will not make the cut.. i m also guilty of it towards my close friends too.. i’m afraid i don make the cut too..

mayb is coz of my silly criterias, making myself unhappy… i wan real friends.. i wan ppl whom i don feel stressed with.. i wan ppl whom when i’m with, i don feel as though i hav to make them happy or smile or laugh in order to entertain them against my own free will… i c my friends laughing away bout something which i feel its ok.. i don find it that funny at all, yet i’m e odd one if i don even give a laugh n smile.. i leave left out of their conversations if i’m not as animated as them… yet if i do, i laugh over something which i don feel is funny, i feel so against myself.. its not e person i wanna be.. argh… no one understands i guess…

i hav a friend who recently keep commenting that i look sad when i’m jus not smiling… so m i suppose to always give tt megawatt smile to show tt i’m happy?? i cant help it if my face looks dao most of e time.. there r days where i jus don wan to entertain…

yet another friend commented tt i look like one who has a lot of friends.. repeated trips to the mirror, i still cant c from where she got the idea from.. my friends r so limited… only that few…

2yrs ago, i had e world.. 5great friends supporting mi.. those whom i’m so close with i don hav to care what stupid things i do with them ard.. with a few secondary group of close friends whom i enjoyed the company of as a group… then as time progress, my primary support starts to crumble… i’m losing them one by one.. veri sad case actually… so far, i lost two of them.. soon, another will leave mi, like tide, tis friend will not stay around for long.. then, i’ll be jus left with 2.. but things r always changing.. we wont noe wat’s gg to happen…

i rather hold on to memories which i’ve created with those tat once treasured mi. at least i noe those memories hav been cemented.. they will not change. its something which i can hold on dearly to. it keeps mi going day to day. i cant control people if they wanna leave, but the footprints they left in me will always be with mi..

mayb u think i don dare to face the future, u noe wat? mayb u r rite.

la la la~ lalala~ la la la la la~~~

bonk bonk bonk~ bonk bonk bonk bonk bonk~~~